Dear 12YO Sarah

Dear 12yo Sarah, 

In the next year, you will experience so many changes – in your school, friends, body, the world. I encourage you to take it all in, notice the differences but not dwell on them with anxiety. Remember that you are you no matter what, who you sit with at lunch, how tall you are, or what is going on around you. You cannot control all the things, but you can control, mostly, how you react to them.

You get to decide if you participate in the fashion trends, which only do if they are respectful, but you know that. You don’t have to follow trends just because they are “cool.” You are unique by doing and saying and wearing what you want, not what some magazine, classmate, or culture tells you. 

When you look in the mirror, tell yourself that you are a beautiful child of God. Today and always. Some days will be harder than others. Know you are beloved and reflect the Divine within. (That sounds a little out there, but trust me.)

Be kind. To yourself and others, especially your family. You may unconsciously treat them poorly because your hormones are going crazy, and you don’t know what to do with all of your feelings. They will love you anyway. But if you have the chance to be nice or be mean, choose nice. Your parents and siblings have feelings, too. 

Make art. Create beauty in whichever way feels right to you. You may play or dance or draw or write or …or …or. There are so many opportunities to let go and dive into to something which makes you feel alive. When you find something, do it!

Take your school work seriously, but try not to stress over it. If your stomach hurts over some situation, tell your mom. She will listen. 

Surround yourself with friends who make you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose. And don’t be embarrassed when that happens. Keep laughing. Those same friends will be there when times get tough, too. And if they aren’t, you will find your way. Remember, you will always have your family. Always.

Taste your food. Enjoy meals instead of scarfing or abstaining. Try new things. Some you will like and some you won’t, but you’ll never know if you always say no. 

But do say no when something doesn’t feel right. Don’t laugh at jokes that you find inappropriate. Don’t kiss someone just because your friends tell you to. And definitely don’t miss quality time with your grandparents in order to spend an hour with someone you “like.” 

There will be lots of firsts and some lasts as you grow. Savor the moments but remember to be silly. Smile when you feel like, but it’s okay not to. Meet new people. Be yourself when you talk. You can do it and you will!

When the world seems overwhelming and you just wanna crawl in bed and hide, do that for a minute. Then ask for help. No one is problem-less, and your parents are compassionate. They may not have been through the exact same thing, but they can be empathic, validating your feelings. Cry when you feel sad, even in front of people. You are strong and sensitive. Those two words are not opposites. Righteous anger tears are ok, too. Get mad when you see or experience injustice. Pray, protest, practice that in which you believe. 

Show up when someone is hurting. You don’t have to have the “right” things to say, and you don’t have to say anything at all. Just be there. It’s called ministry of presence. Project peace in times of pain. It will mean more than you can know.

You won’t understand all of this now, or even as a teenager (which is next year), but one day, you will appreciate the wisdom. And then you will pass it on. 

I love you!

43yo Sarah