a confession

I have a confession: I have created a monster. For anyone who has ever been on a mission trip, you know I enjoy a late-night board game once we return from the mission site. The only thing I enjoy more than the game is winning. Ask anyone who has ever played Monopoly with me, and they will tell you, “Kyle is the worst at winning.” It’s true. I am a sore loser, and I’m not a gracious winner. These are not great qualities to have in a youth minister, and I know it. Over the years, I have tried to curb my enthusiasm for winning, but apparently, I have failed.  

For Christmas, my daughter received a game called Sushi Roll from my parents. It’s a fun dice game that has taken over our house following dinner. Each night, we pull out the dice, collect sushi, and see who wins. Like most games, it took our 9-year-old time to get the hang of the game. With loss came frustration and gnashing of teeth. Not a full-blown temper tantrum, but enough to make the time unenjoyable. It’s a shame winning didn’t change enjoyableness of the game. It only took three nights for her to move from last to first place. From sadness to superiority came a giddy young lady, screaming “I won, and you lost!!” OK, I might not be that bad, but she definitely takes after her father. This was confirmed with a look from Sarah following the game.

Michelle Obama has this great line, “We as parents are our children’s first and best role models.” It’s true children and youth are always paying attention to the world around them and how those in authority respond. They watch how their parents, teachers, civic leaders, and caregivers talk, eat, and react to situations and interact with others. It is obvious that I have modeled behavior of a gloating winner, and it’s not pretty. I know because I see it in how my daughter responds to getting the most points in games at our house.  

I began this post with a confession, and it’s something we all need to do in our lives. For us to grow and to seek reconciliation with ourselves and others, we must begin with confession. We must name the ways we have wronged ourselves, our friends, and the world. My list of confessions does not stop with how I react to playing board games; it’s only the beginning. It’s a long list, and each day, I try to name and claim the ways I have fractured the Kin-dom, as well as doing the hard work toward wholeness. 

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession.” In this new year, lets grab a broom and spend some time cleaning out the dirt and leaves that have cluttered our lives and world. It’s a difficult task, but one that will leave you and the world better for it.